The Apple of Discord
by whatariot
Summary: Bumper is back in more ways than one. "I'm not convinced he's a dog any more than I'm convinced Bumper is human," she announced before shaking her head and returning to her state of 'mad'. "What the hell was she thinking?" Rated T for language.


_I own nothing._

* * *

It surprised him she was a neat freak. He would have thought it was something he would have noticed about her before dating Beca, or B.D.B., as he called it, or rather what he told her he called it mainly to annoy her. He'd 'Make himself at home' as he called it, and unfailingly shift or disorganize her stuff and she'd huff and sigh and him. He'd like to say he tried to be more careful but he couldn't help it, she was cute when annoyed. When she wasn't cute was when she was mad like right now. Right now, she was just sort of scary.

"I'm going to cut off his balls and feed them to Poofy," she muttered angrily, shoving another record on the shelf.

Jesse cringed and reflexively covered his crotch. "Or we could not give that hell-spawn the taste of human flesh," he told her with a shudder. Poofy was her step-mother's suspiciously watchful toy poodle. Jesse insisted the dog hated him. Beca had never attempted to reassure him which only confirmed what he thought.

Beca shot him a sideways look, before stuffing another record on the shelf.

"That you don't disagree with me tells me I'm right," he told her narrowing his eyes.

Beca smirked slightly, "I'm not convinced he's a dog any more than I'm convinced Bumper is human," she announced before shaking her head and returning to her state of 'mad'. "What the hell was she thinking?" Beca asked her boyfriend incredulously.

Jesse snorted, earning a glare from Beca. He merely put up his hands defensively. "You really want me to try to figure out what Amy is thinking? Really?"

Beca thought for a moment before sighing dramatically, "No. I think that's a door best left unopened."

'Or nailed shut,' Jesse thought but wisely kept that opinion to himself.

"It's just… I can't… Bumper," she said shuddering at the visual.

"Yeah I got that part," Jesse said wrinkling his nose and shaking his head.

"Bumper. Naked. My kitchen," Beca said trying to put the words together in some form to make them less repulsive and failing miserably.

Jesse shuddered, "If I hit him, can you never say those words together again?"

Beca smiled before taking on a teasing grin, "Aww. You'd beat him up for me?"

"Only if you can contain 'The Kraken'"

Beca shrugged and wrinkled her nose. Containing Amy was never going to be in the cards. You just sort of had to batten down the hatches and hope no one got arrested. It didn't always pan out that way.

"Exactly," Jesse said with a nod. "She scares the crap out of me."

"Me too," Benji said wandering in from the outer recesses of the student union building.

Beca grumbled slightly but couldn't disagree. Amy was… special. It's not like she hadn't asked for this. Okay, well she hadn't asked for this specific issue but she agreed to let Amy stay in her studio apartment during spring break when the dorms were going to be fumigated. Beca and Jesse were leaving for North Carolina in three days giving Amy two weeks to herself so it seemed like five days of sharing space wouldn't be a big hassle. They'd shared a room at the Finals and managed to get along fine though truth be told she really wasn't in her room very long. That certainly added to the surprise of living with someone who had a certain male following. Amy had settled in on Beca's couch right after finishing her midterm and things has been going well-ish but sharing such a small space led had meant some adjustment for both parties. What Beca discovered coming home after her Musical Theory class however, could only be described as horrifying.

"I don't think there's enough bleach in the world for what my kitchen-slash-living room experienced," she said shuddering and interrupting the boys' debating over their Finals set-list.

Benji looked quizzically at Jesse who shook his head. "Trust me, you don't want to know," Jesse told him going back to the piece of paper he'd been scribbling on with Benji.

Benji looked at Beca who sighed.

"You know how Amy is staying with me?" she asked him moving onto her second row of the record cart.

He nodded.

"Yeah, well you know how Amy is a nym…" she cut herself off. It was sometimes hard to decide what to censor with Benji. "You know how Amy has all her boyfriends?"

He nodded again.

"Well Bumper was in my apartment this afternoon," she told him making a face.

Benji paused before looking back at Jesse who shook his head. "Yes, doing what you think they were doing," he told his friend with a shudder.

"On my couch. On my new couch. I need to burn it," she said coming to the only obvious conclusion.

Benji made a face and sighed. "So Bumper is back?" he asked.

"Apparently," Beca sneered viciously stabbing another record into its place.

"He's not welcome back on the Trebles and he's certainly not welcome in the house," Jesse began but Beca cut him off.

"Or my apartment!"

"Or Beca's apartment," Jesse added graciously, tipping his head in her general direction.

In typical Beca-ness, she rolled her eyes and stabbed another record on the shelf.

"It'll be fine, Buddy. Bumper can't do anything but finish out his final semester. It'll all be okay."

"My couch will never be the same," Beca muttered to herself more than to the boys. "Hell my apartment will never be the same. It's worse than having you moving things," she said shooting Jesse a glare.

Jesse made a goofy face at her, before turning back to his set list. This was going to be the Trebles year, who was he kidding, _his year_, and nothing anyone could do would ruin it.

It really came as no surprise to anyone in that room that his prediction would be so wrong in so many ways.


End file.
